Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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