I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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