We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
