I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
