your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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