I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
