you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
