we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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