i would one night stand the shit outta him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
