I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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