Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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