Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
