i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
