so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize