maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
