big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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