I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
