I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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