Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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