I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
