He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
