True but thats because hes a fetus.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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