I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
