wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
