Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
