and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
