they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
