moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk is a universal language darling
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