man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
