Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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