For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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