To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
