fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it fun? or sober?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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