Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
