Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
