Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
