Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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