Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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