i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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