Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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