Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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