Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
