I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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