Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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