Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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