I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
