i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
