There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
