So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
