I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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