he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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