Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
