i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize