were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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