i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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