I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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