Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
