dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
