He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this boner is exhausting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
