I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
