Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
